Princess and the Frog

"That frog sucks! He's terrible. Just terrible!"

"Sssh!" I whispered. "You're ruining the movie."

"Too late. That no talent toad already ruined it. He can't act. He can't sing. He can't--"

"At least he can be quiet!" I growled. "Now sit back and watch the film before you get kicked out."

"I could have done so much better. He's just doing a bad impression of Pepe the Prawn." My frog friend snarled. "I work my ass off for Disney and this is how they treat me. First film that comes along with a good part for a frog and they don't cast me. Backstabbers! Ingrates! Dumb... guys!"

"Okay, okay. You'd be better. But that's no reason to turn green with envy."

Kermit turned with a start. "Who writes your material, Fozzie? Well at least they didn't hire that gay Michigan J. Frog from Warner."

"Michigan J. Frog is gay?"

"You didn't hear it from me." Kermit replied.

The story begins in 1911 with the election of Woodrow Wilson. Tiana (Anika Noni Rose) is a young girl in New Orleans who dreams of opening a restaurant with her loving daddy. Cut to sometime after the war. Tiana is now grown up. She lost her daddy in the war but she still has her dream. She works two jobs and scrimps and saves everything she can to get a down payment on a restaurant. Enter Prince Naveen (Bruno Campos) a handsome prince, but a poor one in that he's been cut off from the royal fortune by his parents. He has come to America seeking to find a rich girl to marry and he has his eye on the annoying self-centered Charlotte (Jennifer Cody), Tiana's rich life long best friend. Naveen is lazy and has never worked a day in his life and intends to keep it that way. He just sings, dances and womanizes, just wishing he was Senor Sock.

Then voodoo man Dr. Facilier (Keith David, drawn to look a lot like the "Uncola Nut" guy when he was in "Live and Let Die") enters the picture and conspires with Prince Naveen's servant Lawrence (Peter Bartlett) to replace the prince with Wooley (who gets to look like the Prince thanks to some voodoo spell), marry the girl and take over New Orleans, while the Prince lives the rest of his life as a lowly frog, occasionally being milked for his blood to keep the spell going.

At this point I was very close to walking out of the picture. It was dull and uninspired. The human figure work was very inconsistant. I don't think the kids would like the voodoo stuff. Kermit kept heckling the film.

Then Tiana kisses the frog and suddenly the magic happens.

Tiana is also turned into a frog and the fun begins as they travel through a swamp and meet Louis (Michael-Leon Wooley) a jazz playing alligator, Ray (Jim Cummings) a cajun firefly, a bunch of swamp rats seemingly on loan from Warner Brothers (their style of comedy and characterizations are MUCH more Warner than Disney) and go to the mysterious Mama Odie (Jenifer Lewis) for help in breaking the spell. Suddenly the movie is fun and imaginative the less it deals with human beings. Nevin and Tiana fall in love along the way though denying that love seems to be the only way to turn them back into human beings and get Tiana her dream.

This half of the film is full of good humor, the meaning of friendship, love and sacrifice. There's a lot of little in references to prevous Disney films from "The Lion King" to "Aladdin" and even "The Jungle Book" (Louis sings a song that is pretty much the same theme as "I wanna Be Like You" that Louie Prima sang). John Goodman, Terrance Howard and even Oprah lend their voices to the effort. But none do a better job of vocal acting than Anika Noni Rose, who carries the picture even in the painful early scenes. And as for Prince Naveen...

"He stinks! He's a poor excuse for a frog! I hope Disney loses a ton on this crap." Kermit groused as we left the theater. "Idiots. Piggy as Tiana! Me as the Prince! Gonzo as the firefly thing! Fozzie as Louie! THAT's box office! THAT's what the people want!"

Maybe. Don't tell the frog, but this isn't bad. Especially if you come in about twelve minutes late.

"I want a grasshopper! And leave the bottle!"

But don't worry. The story has a happy ending. We got loaded and hooked up with Lampchop and Lindsey Lohan who were out on a bender and K forgot all about the movie.