2012

Directed by Roland Emmerich Screenplay by Roland Emmerich and Harald Kloser

As big and dumb as it looks, "2012" is a throwback to old fashioned disaster movies like "Earthquake", "The Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure" only done with new fashioned special effects.

 But those effects are pretty spectacular. The CGI houses were working overtime to show the destruction of Los Angeles, Yellowstone, Washington DC, Tokyo and the rest of the world. You can understand how they probably got tired when it was time to create the giant arks and maybe did not do their best work. But I digress.

The always likeable John Cusack stars as Jackson Curtis, a unknown novelist who is working as a limo driver to make ends meet. He's been tossed out of the house by his hot wife Kate (Amanda Peet) who claims he would shut her and the rest of the family out when concentrating on his writing (curiously we see no evidence of this in the film, Perhaps they knew no one believe Amanda Peet could not get any man's attention whenever she dang well wanted to.). Now she's doing the Achy-Breaky with plastic surgeon Gordon Silberman (Thomas McCarthy) instead.

On a trip in the limo to Yellowstone with the kids (why they don't just go up to Yosemite is unexplained) he discovers crazy end of the world guy Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson). Jackson thinks Charlie is just a crank, but then after running across a secret Army camp he starts to believe Charlie may be onto something. As earthquakes rip huge crevices into the ground, Jackson and the kids race back to LA. Strangely Kate thanks him for "bringing the kids back early" yet Jackson appears to be a bit late for the job of driving a rich Russian guy's family to the airport. Odd.

Anyway, things start to happen. Jackson rents a plane, then rushes to pick up Kate and the kids and Gordon. The city crumbles around them as they race to the airport. When they get there, the pilot is dead but lo and behold the hated Gordon has taken three flying lessons! So away they go and without a moment to lose.

They fly back to Yellowstone to find out where the government has been building giant ships Charlie told jackson about that can save a small percentage of the population. Then the race is on to try and get there before the big one hits and completely wipes out the world as we know it.

While that story is going on, Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Adrian Helmsly, a scientist who warns President Thomas Wilson (Danny Glover) of the impending disaster back in 2008 so Wilson has time to blame it on George W. Bush. Wilson then leads the world's united nations in a top secret plan to build giant ships to save the species from the coming 2012 disaster. Oliver Platt does a nice job playing Wilson's ruthless advisor Carl Anheuser while Glover walks through his part looking like he can't find his hat. The lovely Thadie Newton plays his sultry daughter and gives Helmsly a reason to want to survive the coming apocalypse.

But enough about the "story" and "characters". They're weak and forgettable. The reason people are going to see this film is for the destruction. That's one of the reasons I think this should be seen on a big screen. You want to see India, London, Tokyo and all the rest get destroyed. The movie jumps the shark a bit when the aircraft carrier JFK crashes into the White House, but in for a dime, in for a dollar. 

You could pick this film to pieces if you want to. George Segal is particularly wasted as a cruise ship entertainer and the movie fails to offer up a scene of real sacrifice where someone gives their all to save the rest (Gene Hackman, Shelley Winters in Poseidon). They sometimes forget where they are--in scenes where Cusack is swimming in water in the Himalyas he doesn't even appear to be chilled (I'm expecting realism in a picture that is completely unreal?). And what do you think the chances are of keeping the secret that the world is coming to an end in four years once all the heads of government know?

But the biggest sin of all is the misuse of Amanda Peet. In opportunity after opportunity Emmerich miffs his chances to show her in the shower or in some state of undress. Jackson drops the kids off early in the morning? Why is she wearing sweats? Why is she not in a slinky nighty? After what she goes through at the grocery store, wouldn't a nice hot shower be in order?

This is a criminal waste of a great natural resource.

Since Emmerich failed to show off Peet, I guess that leaves it up to me. This scene is NOT in the movie. Enjoy.